Can yall help me?

The drive to serve your country is never a "dumb" idea.  Sometimes misguided in individual effort, but never dumb.  There are plenty of ways to serve this great country, the military is just one of them.

Given the high number of military personnel deployed around the globe and action in two theaters, the mortality rate is surprisingly low.  Then again, it only takes one death to send you home feet first.  Compare this to the handgun deaths in America each year and you'll find that you are far safer walking the streets of Iraq with your fellow soldiers than cruising certain alleys of L.A. or Detroit alone.

Any branch of the military will place recruits in jobs that match their "GT" score.  This score is derived from the ASVAB and additional testing once you arrive at a recruit depot (wherever).  For example, a GT score less than 100 is a quick assignment to infantry while a score over 130 will make you an eligible for OCS (Officer Candiate School) and pretty much your choice of duty.  My score was 133 and I opted for an infantry post deploying guided missles.  Once the Commanding Officer saw my scores, he kicked me over to a stupid admin job with an Intelligence Regiment.

It is true that many educational benefits exist in several branches of the military, but the best are found in the Navy and the Air Force.  These branches have many job assignments (MOS) that translate well to the civilian world.  The Army has a few and the Marine Corps has very few.

The U.S. Army is the largest fully mechanized -sp fighting force in the history of the world.  This means the entire force is moved by equipment like tanks, armored personnel carriers, etc.  You'll do some walking, running, sweating and crying, but not too much.

The USMC on the other hand is the most respected and feared force on the planet (also one of the smallest), however, they do not have the equipment budget of the Army.  If you land in the infantry here, you'll hump thousands of miles before your enlistment is up. Most of this will be with around 80lbs on your back, 6lbs on your head and another 7lbs in your hands.  At least you'll be an absolute bad ass when your done though.

I know virtually nothing about the Air Force or Navy except their "boot camp" is a walk in the park and their schools are superior to any other branch of the military.

I hope this is helpful.